just for today... let me be happy
and keep you mine
whisper those endearing words you used to say
and i so longed to hear
knowing that tomorrow when the sun rises
you wont be within my reach
you will be gone to the world you call your own
and i would be a glimpse of a memory you call your past.
just for today... let me hold you
and keep you mine
let's pretend that everything is ok and i am the only one
hug me close to you and make me feel safe on your tight embrace
and just dont let me go
let's not worry what the future might bring
because we both know that when it concerns us
there is no future and forever has its end.
just for today... let me love you
and keep you mine
let me be happy knowing that you're holding my hand
let me hug you and whisper those words i so longed to say
lets pretend that nothing matters except the two of us
let me hug you... and have this day
even if it would break my heart into pieces
knowing you cannot reciprocate the love i have for you.
and at the start of the next day
let me kiss you goodbye
wipe my tears away and go
walk away from me
and dont ever try to look back
because i wont be there anymore
i asked for a day and i got my day..
that was yesterday!
Friday, December 08, 2006
Saturday, December 02, 2006
untitled
here i go again.. affected. hurt.
even if i dont have the right.
even if i conditioned myself a thousand times that its over. its all over. i've moved on.
even if told myself a thousand times that anything that concerns you, i could not care.
i was ok. in fact, i never have thoughts of you for quite a time now.
you never get in touch after the last time we talked.
unknown to you, you left me in limbo once again.
but i picked up the pieces fast as a speeding bullet.. so, i thought im ok.
now, myself betrayed me.
i heard not from you.. but from someone who knows you.
and everything you told me the last time
went crumbling down..
if there's one thing i learned from you..
that's not to expect anything from you.. not at all
and i am right, thats why im affected
you haven't changed after all.
even if i dont have the right.
even if i conditioned myself a thousand times that its over. its all over. i've moved on.
even if told myself a thousand times that anything that concerns you, i could not care.
i was ok. in fact, i never have thoughts of you for quite a time now.
you never get in touch after the last time we talked.
unknown to you, you left me in limbo once again.
but i picked up the pieces fast as a speeding bullet.. so, i thought im ok.
now, myself betrayed me.
i heard not from you.. but from someone who knows you.
and everything you told me the last time
went crumbling down..
if there's one thing i learned from you..
that's not to expect anything from you.. not at all
and i am right, thats why im affected
you haven't changed after all.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
my christmas wishlist
a few more days to go and its christmas. as usual, i'll be celebrating it away from home. for three years in a row, im doing just that so i can say that im getting used to it.. its kinda lonely sometimes pero isip ko na lang na its just one special day. parang ang layo ng 'pinas para di umuwi noh?
eniweys, i can get by being alone.. as long as im not lonely. a lot of my friends or should i say almost all my friends will be here this christmas too. so technically im not alone but im not sure where and with whom they are going to spend this day with. well, im not even sure kung kaninong friends ako sasama. dami nag aaya eh haha im torn between friends.. kelan kaya ang torn between lovers? hmmm
so to all my friends who's asking me, help me decide kung kanino ako sasama... madali lang naman ako ma-convince, just play santa for me.. here's my list:
. tennis bracelet
.. pda mobile handphone
... shop til i drop
.... a european trip
eto, siryus na:
..... peace of mind
...... good health
....... get in touch with lost lost friends
a beauty queen wannabe's wish:
........ world peace
so easy dba? may matupad kaya? im not naughty naman and i'll be nice.. yan naman ang gusto ni santa eh :P
seriously, all i want for christmas is to:
......... find love and not fear it
i would trade everything i have in this world just to have it...
eniweys, i can get by being alone.. as long as im not lonely. a lot of my friends or should i say almost all my friends will be here this christmas too. so technically im not alone but im not sure where and with whom they are going to spend this day with. well, im not even sure kung kaninong friends ako sasama. dami nag aaya eh haha im torn between friends.. kelan kaya ang torn between lovers? hmmm
so to all my friends who's asking me, help me decide kung kanino ako sasama... madali lang naman ako ma-convince, just play santa for me.. here's my list:
. tennis bracelet
.. pda mobile handphone
... shop til i drop
.... a european trip
eto, siryus na:
..... peace of mind
...... good health
....... get in touch with lost lost friends
a beauty queen wannabe's wish:
........ world peace
so easy dba? may matupad kaya? im not naughty naman and i'll be nice.. yan naman ang gusto ni santa eh :P
seriously, all i want for christmas is to:
......... find love and not fear it
i would trade everything i have in this world just to have it...
Monday, November 06, 2006
A Psalm of David - Psalms 23
The LORD Is My Shepherd
1
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
6
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
1
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
6
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
just ranting...
i have been meaning to write this for a while. its not because i dont have the luxury of time to do it. heck! i have all the time. i just dont know where and how to start so i keep on postponing it.
i just feel tired.. moving on then going back to step one. i feel tired.. of adding you and deleting you and adding you again on my messenger.. if you're wondering which one are you now, yes, you've been added again. until when, i dont know. perhaps until i have the guts to delete you once again. i just hope that when i did, there's no more turning back. its the end. game over. for now, let me allow myself to see you online and torment myself.
friends asked me whether we're talking or whether we're friends again. yeah, we're talking sometimes. somehow, i cant control myself from talking to you. but are we friends, i dont know. im still pondering on that. do i wanna be friends with you? is that what i wanted? if i would listen to what my foolish heart is telling me, thats not what i want. you dont wanna know what it wants. i dont even wanna know what it wants.
you said you still like me... what was my reaction then? i cant remember.. but if you're wondering.. that statement alone has put me in limbo once again. and if thats one of your silly games then you succeeded and won.
you said you wanted to see me... how i wish i can see you now.. how i longed to see you.. if you ever wonder how i much i have missed you.. well, now you know.. i missed you this much..
you said one of the first things that you would do is to cuddle me... i also wanna feel your tight embrace once again. but i have to control myself from saying it. coz in the end i know i will just regret saying it. for i know that you're just saying it not to please me but to please yourself. please, the least you could do is to show some respect for me. i told you a thousand times. i am not like that. if it would make you feel better, i have never let anyone get close to me after you left not even when i was still going out.
for now, i'll just hug you tight in my dreams. because i know that us we're not real.
there in my dreams, i can say all the things i wanted to say without regretting anything.
there in my dreams, i can hold you tight and wrap you in my arms.
there in my dreams, i will shed no tears and feel no pain.
i just feel tired.. moving on then going back to step one. i feel tired.. of adding you and deleting you and adding you again on my messenger.. if you're wondering which one are you now, yes, you've been added again. until when, i dont know. perhaps until i have the guts to delete you once again. i just hope that when i did, there's no more turning back. its the end. game over. for now, let me allow myself to see you online and torment myself.
friends asked me whether we're talking or whether we're friends again. yeah, we're talking sometimes. somehow, i cant control myself from talking to you. but are we friends, i dont know. im still pondering on that. do i wanna be friends with you? is that what i wanted? if i would listen to what my foolish heart is telling me, thats not what i want. you dont wanna know what it wants. i dont even wanna know what it wants.
you said you still like me... what was my reaction then? i cant remember.. but if you're wondering.. that statement alone has put me in limbo once again. and if thats one of your silly games then you succeeded and won.
you said you wanted to see me... how i wish i can see you now.. how i longed to see you.. if you ever wonder how i much i have missed you.. well, now you know.. i missed you this much..
you said one of the first things that you would do is to cuddle me... i also wanna feel your tight embrace once again. but i have to control myself from saying it. coz in the end i know i will just regret saying it. for i know that you're just saying it not to please me but to please yourself. please, the least you could do is to show some respect for me. i told you a thousand times. i am not like that. if it would make you feel better, i have never let anyone get close to me after you left not even when i was still going out.
for now, i'll just hug you tight in my dreams. because i know that us we're not real.
there in my dreams, i can say all the things i wanted to say without regretting anything.
there in my dreams, i can hold you tight and wrap you in my arms.
there in my dreams, i will shed no tears and feel no pain.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Closing Cycles
by Paolo Coehlo
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time,
we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it,
what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house?
Gone to live abroad?
Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will befinishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time,
not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.
What has passed will not return:
we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents,
lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts
and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go.
Release them.
Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return,
do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,
your genius to be discovered,
your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again,
the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:
that is only poisoning you,
nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off,
work that is promised but there is no starting date,
decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment.
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished:
tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.
Nothing is irreplaceable A habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult,
but it is very important.
Closing cycles.
Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, changethe record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time,
we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it,
what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house?
Gone to live abroad?
Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will befinishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time,
not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.
What has passed will not return:
we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents,
lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts
and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go.
Release them.
Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return,
do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,
your genius to be discovered,
your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again,
the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:
that is only poisoning you,
nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off,
work that is promised but there is no starting date,
decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment.
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished:
tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.
Nothing is irreplaceable A habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult,
but it is very important.
Closing cycles.
Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, changethe record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
i fear death
dying is inevitable
we're all going there, that's our ultimate destiny
but i fear death... i fear dying helplessly and alone
i just watched united 93 on video last night
what happened to the airline pasengers were terrible
my single brain cell just cannot comprehend it
how they had to suffer in the hands of their hijackers
how they had to call their loved ones to say goodbye
how they had to fight back bec in a matter of minutes
they knew that they are all going to die
there was a joke circulating in the email before... something like this..
doc: sorry, wala na kong magagawa. may taning na buhay mo.
patient: gano katagal po doc?
doc: 10
patient: 10 months
doc: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 ....
would i want to know when im going to die? NO.
i'd rather live my life as normal as it can be. no waiting for the axe to come my way.
shucks! im so morbid...
sound of life: you raise me up
feeling: down
we're all going there, that's our ultimate destiny
but i fear death... i fear dying helplessly and alone
i just watched united 93 on video last night
what happened to the airline pasengers were terrible
my single brain cell just cannot comprehend it
how they had to suffer in the hands of their hijackers
how they had to call their loved ones to say goodbye
how they had to fight back bec in a matter of minutes
they knew that they are all going to die
there was a joke circulating in the email before... something like this..
doc: sorry, wala na kong magagawa. may taning na buhay mo.
patient: gano katagal po doc?
doc: 10
patient: 10 months
doc: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 ....
would i want to know when im going to die? NO.
i'd rather live my life as normal as it can be. no waiting for the axe to come my way.
shucks! im so morbid...
sound of life: you raise me up
feeling: down
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
martir lang
kung uso pa ang binabaril sa luneta dahil sa pagiging martir
maari mo atang isama ang pangalan ko sa listahan
at hindi ko itatatwa o ipagkakaila
kasalanan ko ba ang maging martir?
gisingin mo man ang natutulog kong damdamin
di ko mawari bakit parating sayo ko ninanais na bumalik
sino ka nga ba? buhay ka pa ba?
bakit damdamin ko ata'y bato na?
alam kong walang patutunguhan
itong ganitong uring kahibangan
sana nga ito ay isang panaginip na lamang
o baka sadyang talagang martir na nga lang ako?
wala akong hinihintay na anumang pagtingin mula sa yo
hindi rin ako nabubuhay sa ating nakaraan
ano nga bang nakalipas ang meron tayo?
alam ko naman kung asan ang dapat kong kalagyan
ninais kong kasuklaman ka
sa lahat ng pasakit na dinulot mo sa buhay ko
ninais kong isumpa ka at ibaon sa limot
di ko nga lang talaga maturuan ang puso ko
sadya nga lang sigurong ibang klase akong magmahal
isang pagmamahal na maari ngang ipabaril sa luneta...
maari mo atang isama ang pangalan ko sa listahan
at hindi ko itatatwa o ipagkakaila
kasalanan ko ba ang maging martir?
gisingin mo man ang natutulog kong damdamin
di ko mawari bakit parating sayo ko ninanais na bumalik
sino ka nga ba? buhay ka pa ba?
bakit damdamin ko ata'y bato na?
alam kong walang patutunguhan
itong ganitong uring kahibangan
sana nga ito ay isang panaginip na lamang
o baka sadyang talagang martir na nga lang ako?
wala akong hinihintay na anumang pagtingin mula sa yo
hindi rin ako nabubuhay sa ating nakaraan
ano nga bang nakalipas ang meron tayo?
alam ko naman kung asan ang dapat kong kalagyan
ninais kong kasuklaman ka
sa lahat ng pasakit na dinulot mo sa buhay ko
ninais kong isumpa ka at ibaon sa limot
di ko nga lang talaga maturuan ang puso ko
sadya nga lang sigurong ibang klase akong magmahal
isang pagmamahal na maari ngang ipabaril sa luneta...
Monday, October 16, 2006
it must be love
i've heard this somewhere:
if you cant find it in your heart to hate, then that must be love.
if people will regard this as a sin. then, i guess im guilty and must be condemn to hell.
i might still be in love 'coz i cant find it in my heart to hate you.
to hate you for all the things that you thought of me.
to hate you for breaking my heart.
to hate you for not hating you at all.
if you cant find it in your heart to hate, then that must be love.
if people will regard this as a sin. then, i guess im guilty and must be condemn to hell.
i might still be in love 'coz i cant find it in my heart to hate you.
to hate you for all the things that you thought of me.
to hate you for breaking my heart.
to hate you for not hating you at all.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
when u say u love me
by Josh Groban
Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive
You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive
[bridge:]
And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment,I know why I'm alive
When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?
Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive
You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive
[bridge:]
And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment,I know why I'm alive
When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?
Monday, October 09, 2006
1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
=======================
If love is no longer enough to sustain the relationship then it isn't love. 'Coz love will always be enough...
that's me being hopeless romantic...
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
=======================
If love is no longer enough to sustain the relationship then it isn't love. 'Coz love will always be enough...
that's me being hopeless romantic...
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
by olive - oct 2, 2006
i cannot be a meantime girl.. nor a friend with benefits...
my feelings do not matter anymore. i could still in love with you but i dont wanna deal with it.
it was just a feeling that i was supposed to kill it a year ago.. well, i guess i did not love you enough
coz the pains you caused me didnt kill me. though, basically, i thought you killed my heart when you broke it to a thousand pieces.
the love will always be there. perhaps hidden. but one thing is sure, its no longer intense as before.
i can sleep quietly at night when a year ago, i found sleep to be elusive.
i can smile and laugh now when a year ago, i only had a tear-jerked face to look in the mirror.
i can hang out with my friends now until the wee hours when a year ago, the only companion i had was my precious notebook.
a person close to me once said.. do not let him mess you again.
how can i let you mess up with me.. when the fact is, im still messed up.
im still battling inner conflicts.
and while you're occassionally keeping in touch.. i know as much as i want to deny it, i will just hang in there. non-commital. unrequited. and in the end, i know that this is a battle i wont win how much i tried.
i cannot be a meantime girl.. nor a friend with benefits...
my feelings do not matter anymore. i could still in love with you but i dont wanna deal with it.
it was just a feeling that i was supposed to kill it a year ago.. well, i guess i did not love you enough
coz the pains you caused me didnt kill me. though, basically, i thought you killed my heart when you broke it to a thousand pieces.
the love will always be there. perhaps hidden. but one thing is sure, its no longer intense as before.
i can sleep quietly at night when a year ago, i found sleep to be elusive.
i can smile and laugh now when a year ago, i only had a tear-jerked face to look in the mirror.
i can hang out with my friends now until the wee hours when a year ago, the only companion i had was my precious notebook.
a person close to me once said.. do not let him mess you again.
how can i let you mess up with me.. when the fact is, im still messed up.
im still battling inner conflicts.
and while you're occassionally keeping in touch.. i know as much as i want to deny it, i will just hang in there. non-commital. unrequited. and in the end, i know that this is a battle i wont win how much i tried.
Monday, October 02, 2006
if i kissed you
would you turned out to be the handsome prince that i've been waiting all my lifetime..
or would i close my eyes for a hundred years of deep slumber?
or would i close my eyes for a hundred years of deep slumber?
be happy
i have read this somewhere...
Be happy, in a way, because for a few wonderful months, you woke up with a smile and dreamed dreams that you never dreamed before. He made you forget your dreary chores and, from a distance, he made you feel wanted and loved.Not everything went to waste then. It was fun while it lasted. But be wary next time about honeyed words coming through telephone lines or computers screens. Hopefully, you've learned a bitter lesson in all this. Amen.
i certainly hope that i learned my lesson...
Be happy, in a way, because for a few wonderful months, you woke up with a smile and dreamed dreams that you never dreamed before. He made you forget your dreary chores and, from a distance, he made you feel wanted and loved.Not everything went to waste then. It was fun while it lasted. But be wary next time about honeyed words coming through telephone lines or computers screens. Hopefully, you've learned a bitter lesson in all this. Amen.
i certainly hope that i learned my lesson...
my violet things
everyone who knew me knows thats this is my fave color, from magenta to purple. so, here's a list of my violet things:
1. comforter set
2. bath towel, face towel
3. hankies
4. tank top
5. blouses
6. slip ons
7. rubber shoes
8. pashmina
9. bag
10. pouch
11. celfone holder
12. umbrella
13. comb
14. shower cap
15. cologne container
16. small container of knick knacks
17. hangers
18. vase
19. nail polish
20. toothbrush
21. ym/msn fonts
22. space background
23. bracelet
24. earrings
25. hoola hoop
wow! this is quite a long list.. but i bet i still have a lot... i'll definitely check my drawer for these stuffs...
1. comforter set
2. bath towel, face towel
3. hankies
4. tank top
5. blouses
6. slip ons
7. rubber shoes
8. pashmina
9. bag
10. pouch
11. celfone holder
12. umbrella
13. comb
14. shower cap
15. cologne container
16. small container of knick knacks
17. hangers
18. vase
19. nail polish
20. toothbrush
21. ym/msn fonts
22. space background
23. bracelet
24. earrings
25. hoola hoop
wow! this is quite a long list.. but i bet i still have a lot... i'll definitely check my drawer for these stuffs...
pieces of me
nope, this is not a song nor jewel's album...
marshmallows, strawberries, jelly ace, dried beans, chips, tocino, skinless longganisa, french fries, mee goreng, chocolate cravings, jolibbee spaghetti, barbeque, pasta, cafe cartel's pork ribs, max's fried chicken, puto at dinuguan, crabs, prawns, squid/fish balls, hmmm... banana with my sinigang yummy!
baguio, tagaytay, puerto galera, laguna, subic, corregidor, australia, singapore, malaysia, indonesia, new york, thailand
reading books/e-books, sydney sheldon, harry potter, meg cabot, feel good books, shopaholic series, chicklits; watching movies/vcds/dvds; shopping: bags, shoes, tank tops, chandeliar earrings, accessories, girly stuffs, baby tees, small pins, flip flops; going out with friends; spa; girltalking; blogging; hoola hoops; belly dancing; steps aero; jigsaw puzzles; color violet; chopsticks on my hair; dolphin collections
sat/sunday mass, wednesday novena, weekend international calls, weeknights online conversation with ram and rev, occassional drinking: margarita, tequila, vodka, listening to my mobile radio while riding the mrt/bus, while working, while walking, listening to my mp3 collections while chatting; watching tv: desperate housewives, grey's anatomy, smallville, lost, csi, alias, gilmore girls, charmed, survivors, fear factor, e.r, felicity; day dreaming; foot scrub, manicure, pedicure
marshmallows, strawberries, jelly ace, dried beans, chips, tocino, skinless longganisa, french fries, mee goreng, chocolate cravings, jolibbee spaghetti, barbeque, pasta, cafe cartel's pork ribs, max's fried chicken, puto at dinuguan, crabs, prawns, squid/fish balls, hmmm... banana with my sinigang yummy!
baguio, tagaytay, puerto galera, laguna, subic, corregidor, australia, singapore, malaysia, indonesia, new york, thailand
reading books/e-books, sydney sheldon, harry potter, meg cabot, feel good books, shopaholic series, chicklits; watching movies/vcds/dvds; shopping: bags, shoes, tank tops, chandeliar earrings, accessories, girly stuffs, baby tees, small pins, flip flops; going out with friends; spa; girltalking; blogging; hoola hoops; belly dancing; steps aero; jigsaw puzzles; color violet; chopsticks on my hair; dolphin collections
sat/sunday mass, wednesday novena, weekend international calls, weeknights online conversation with ram and rev, occassional drinking: margarita, tequila, vodka, listening to my mobile radio while riding the mrt/bus, while working, while walking, listening to my mp3 collections while chatting; watching tv: desperate housewives, grey's anatomy, smallville, lost, csi, alias, gilmore girls, charmed, survivors, fear factor, e.r, felicity; day dreaming; foot scrub, manicure, pedicure
Hate Me
by Blue October
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
If You Forget Me...
By Pablo Neruda
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists:
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love,
ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists:
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love,
ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
The Invitation
by Oriah
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us tobe careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."
It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the insidewhen all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us tobe careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."
It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the insidewhen all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
after all
by olive - may 7, 2006
sometimes i wonder
after all what i've been through
after all the alcohols i had to take and the efforts to forget you
after all the words left unspoken and wishes unheard
after all the heartaches and pains
after all the shattered dreams and broken promises
and after all those sleepless nights and tears i've cried
why do i still miss you this much?
sometimes i wonder
after all what i've been through
after all the alcohols i had to take and the efforts to forget you
after all the words left unspoken and wishes unheard
after all the heartaches and pains
after all the shattered dreams and broken promises
and after all those sleepless nights and tears i've cried
why do i still miss you this much?
never again
taken from GT: http://www2.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php?topic=101811.0
For as long as I could remember, I have been living in this peaceful and undisturbed place, enclosed in sturdy and powerful walls. Plenty of people have tried to lure me away from here. Some say that I was missing half of my life by confining and isolating myself. Others condescendingly shake their heads in amusement, and knowingly declare that I will eventually surface from my dwelling. Whereas others more seek to tempt me, by promising things left and right, trying to make me believe that it was better for me to be with them, and outside my sheltered condition.
Amongst all these, I stubbornly shook my head in defiance, because I was certain that my present situation was what’s best for me. It is my choice to be here, anyway. Away from pain, sheltered from sorrow, and safe from getting hurt once again.
But as fate would have it, you came. Amidst the crowd, you held out your hand to me. I tried my best to refuse you, I really did. I burrowed myself further inside my place, but still you were persistent. I tried to get in touch with my cynical nature and recalled the reasons why I would rather confine myself in the first place, but I was unsuccessful. Slowly, reluctantly, I find myself leaving my personal hole. And you were there, waiting.
You opened my eyes to a wonderful place, and indeed, I felt bliss. There was so much to explore, things I never thought existed, and emotions I have almost forgotten I was capable of feeling. I finally came across things that I only saw in my secret fantasies. You and me. Together. And for that moment, that is all that mattered.
For as long as I could remember, I have been living in this peaceful and undisturbed place, enclosed in sturdy and powerful walls. Plenty of people have tried to lure me away from here. Some say that I was missing half of my life by confining and isolating myself. Others condescendingly shake their heads in amusement, and knowingly declare that I will eventually surface from my dwelling. Whereas others more seek to tempt me, by promising things left and right, trying to make me believe that it was better for me to be with them, and outside my sheltered condition.
Amongst all these, I stubbornly shook my head in defiance, because I was certain that my present situation was what’s best for me. It is my choice to be here, anyway. Away from pain, sheltered from sorrow, and safe from getting hurt once again.
But as fate would have it, you came. Amidst the crowd, you held out your hand to me. I tried my best to refuse you, I really did. I burrowed myself further inside my place, but still you were persistent. I tried to get in touch with my cynical nature and recalled the reasons why I would rather confine myself in the first place, but I was unsuccessful. Slowly, reluctantly, I find myself leaving my personal hole. And you were there, waiting.
You opened my eyes to a wonderful place, and indeed, I felt bliss. There was so much to explore, things I never thought existed, and emotions I have almost forgotten I was capable of feeling. I finally came across things that I only saw in my secret fantasies. You and me. Together. And for that moment, that is all that mattered.
Yes, for a while I genuinely forgot about my past existence, and I have almost convinced myself that, as long as you are here, I was better and happier. Almost. Without warning, I slowly stirred from my trance, like a light bulb inside my head was turned on. I was reminded of the cruel realities that seem to cast a shadow over this different world I am now in. People who previously appeared as angels were now creeping back to me as monsters of my past. Places that seemed beautiful and magnificent now looked haunted. A variety of unfamiliar feelings slithered inside me-jealousy, sadness, bitterness.
I searched for you, but you were not there. All of a sudden, your fingers deliberately slipped away from mine. The hand, the very being, I foolishly believed would always be there, was gone.
Now I am lost and confused. I cannot return to where I came from, for you have already shown me another world beyond my own, a place where I ridiculously trusted that dreams could come true yet again. I cannot remain in this world either, since I am afraid of not being able to survive on my own, without you to hang on to.
It took me quite a while to realize, and to finally admit to myself, that I have fallen in love with someone I should not have fallen in love with. And now I have no idea what to do next and where to go. The wall that used to be my shelter already has crumbled down at my feet. Once more, I am everything I swore I never will be again.
for a while...
by olive - april 25, 2006
for a while, i thought i've moved on
for a while, i thought i had let you go
for a while, i thought i'm so over you
but after a while, i saw you in my dreams
and then it hit me..
was it just really a dream?
or was it my heart playing tricks on me?
for a while, i thought i've moved on
for a while, i thought i had let you go
for a while, i thought i'm so over you
but after a while, i saw you in my dreams
and then it hit me..
was it just really a dream?
or was it my heart playing tricks on me?
my romantic date
by olive - april 21, 2006
we were walking on the beach. holding hands, our feet touching the mix of white sand and water. dont ask me what i was feeling by then.. coz its just pure nostalgia. a few months ago, i would never have thought i will never get to feel this same feeling again... its a good thing i was wrong. so wrong. im happy now, never been happier. he's just the answer to my long waiting. and he's the best. surely, good things come to those people who know how to wait and pray. he fills the vacuum in my heart. he just knows how to make me happy. enough not to give me everything. sometimes, i think if he's for real coz he's just too good to be true but i know he is not.
i was awoken from this reverie when i felt his fingers gently caressing my cheek as he remove the strand of my hair that's been blown by the wind.
we continue strolling on the shore, admiring the magnificent view of the ocean. the mild wave tiptoeing on our feet. its starting to get dark and we were waiting for the sunset. coz we both love how the sun looks as it trancends on the horizon. the view was just comforting. and loving. i wished that the time will stop and it will be like this forever, just us and the beach and the sun. after a while, we went back to the hotel to have our dinner.. a sumptous platter of seafoods of different types. yummy! and a plateful of citrus fruits... the dinner was great aside with the occasional glances we shared across the candle-light table. we talked. we talked about us. about where we're heading, what we're feeling. in the end, we decided to take things slow and be happy for what we have now bec that's all that matters. no one knows whats going to happen next and we both know it.
after dinner, we headed back to the beach. he knew i love watching the stars shining at night. it was such a romantic night. an unforgettable night...
and then i heard my mobile rings... buzz, buzz, buzz... sh*t! my alarm went off...
it was just a dream.
damn!
we were walking on the beach. holding hands, our feet touching the mix of white sand and water. dont ask me what i was feeling by then.. coz its just pure nostalgia. a few months ago, i would never have thought i will never get to feel this same feeling again... its a good thing i was wrong. so wrong. im happy now, never been happier. he's just the answer to my long waiting. and he's the best. surely, good things come to those people who know how to wait and pray. he fills the vacuum in my heart. he just knows how to make me happy. enough not to give me everything. sometimes, i think if he's for real coz he's just too good to be true but i know he is not.
i was awoken from this reverie when i felt his fingers gently caressing my cheek as he remove the strand of my hair that's been blown by the wind.
we continue strolling on the shore, admiring the magnificent view of the ocean. the mild wave tiptoeing on our feet. its starting to get dark and we were waiting for the sunset. coz we both love how the sun looks as it trancends on the horizon. the view was just comforting. and loving. i wished that the time will stop and it will be like this forever, just us and the beach and the sun. after a while, we went back to the hotel to have our dinner.. a sumptous platter of seafoods of different types. yummy! and a plateful of citrus fruits... the dinner was great aside with the occasional glances we shared across the candle-light table. we talked. we talked about us. about where we're heading, what we're feeling. in the end, we decided to take things slow and be happy for what we have now bec that's all that matters. no one knows whats going to happen next and we both know it.
after dinner, we headed back to the beach. he knew i love watching the stars shining at night. it was such a romantic night. an unforgettable night...
and then i heard my mobile rings... buzz, buzz, buzz... sh*t! my alarm went off...
it was just a dream.
damn!
thank you
by olive - april 20, 2006
i forgot to thank you for all the good things that you've done to me. so, im thanking you now...
thank you... for caring... i know you really did
thank you... for the sweet things that you made for me... those are the small things that endeared you to me
thank you... for the hugs and the kisses and the cuddles... it made me feel special
thank you... for the memories... it will always be hidden in my heart, forgotten
thank you... for the sleepless nights... now i appreciate sleeping more :D
thank you... for leaving me... if you didn't i would not know how it is to missed somebody so much
thank you... for hurting me... if you didn't i would not know that i am capable of crying
thank you... for all the tears i've cried... for it is through these tears that i drew up my strength
thank you... for loving me... even if its just for a while.. coz it made me realize that i love myself more
so there you go... thank you!
i forgot to thank you for all the good things that you've done to me. so, im thanking you now...
thank you... for caring... i know you really did
thank you... for the sweet things that you made for me... those are the small things that endeared you to me
thank you... for the hugs and the kisses and the cuddles... it made me feel special
thank you... for the memories... it will always be hidden in my heart, forgotten
thank you... for the sleepless nights... now i appreciate sleeping more :D
thank you... for leaving me... if you didn't i would not know how it is to missed somebody so much
thank you... for hurting me... if you didn't i would not know that i am capable of crying
thank you... for all the tears i've cried... for it is through these tears that i drew up my strength
thank you... for loving me... even if its just for a while.. coz it made me realize that i love myself more
so there you go... thank you!
touch me...
by olive - april 19, 2006
touch me
in the stillness of the cold night
and keep me warm in your sweet embrace
touch me
on the darkness of my shadow
and soothe my fears away
touch me
in the deep recesses of my soul
and say the words i long to hear
touch me
in the midst of my angst
and take away my my pain
touch me
and hold me like i've never been held before
for in your touch, i feel complete
for in your touch, i feel secured
for in your touch, i feel loved...
so, touch me...
touch me
in the stillness of the cold night
and keep me warm in your sweet embrace
touch me
on the darkness of my shadow
and soothe my fears away
touch me
in the deep recesses of my soul
and say the words i long to hear
touch me
in the midst of my angst
and take away my my pain
touch me
and hold me like i've never been held before
for in your touch, i feel complete
for in your touch, i feel secured
for in your touch, i feel loved...
so, touch me...
see me naked
by olive - april 16, 2006
see me naked...
beyond what the eyes can see
beyond what the hands can touch
beyond what words can utter
beyond what the mind can think
but with what the heart can feel...
and maybe then...
just maybe...
you can see the real me...
see me naked...
beyond what the eyes can see
beyond what the hands can touch
beyond what words can utter
beyond what the mind can think
but with what the heart can feel...
and maybe then...
just maybe...
you can see the real me...
questions i only have
taken from GT: http://www2.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php?topic=86486.0
how is love born in one's heart?
where does it come from?
can we know when it is coming??
can we stop it?
can we hide from it??
can we kill it??...
can we keep it from growing in our hearts
or in the heart of another...??
how does love grow?
what makes it grow??
what nurtures it; what kills it??
can it stay longer till forever??
or just die slowly in secret..??
can we let love go
even before it has started??
afraid that it will not last, or fade. . .
and leave us battered, and broken..
why is love elusive, yet
when it's there we fear it...??
i long for love to teach me...
teach me how to trust...
teach me how to feel freely...
teach me how to live
and love truly.
i long for love to take me
where i want to be...
safe.
how is love born in one's heart?
where does it come from?
can we know when it is coming??
can we stop it?
can we hide from it??
can we kill it??...
can we keep it from growing in our hearts
or in the heart of another...??
how does love grow?
what makes it grow??
what nurtures it; what kills it??
can it stay longer till forever??
or just die slowly in secret..??
can we let love go
even before it has started??
afraid that it will not last, or fade. . .
and leave us battered, and broken..
why is love elusive, yet
when it's there we fear it...??
i long for love to teach me...
teach me how to trust...
teach me how to feel freely...
teach me how to live
and love truly.
i long for love to take me
where i want to be...
safe.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
the frog
by olive - jan 9, 2006
I used to call him frog and me his princess. Funny, noh? But i just realized the analogy of it all. He's just one of the few frogs that I have to kiss so I can finally meet my prince.
Once upon a time... that was the start of a long online conversation. There was once a frog and a princess; never did the princess realize that the day would come that she would kiss the frog. The princess pawned her heart to the frog not knowing that it was just a game that he used to play.
Almost a year of talking, the frog jumped to the princess' castle so she would be able to give the frog the promise of the kiss. Lo and behold! The frog turned to a handsome prince. But they didn't live happily ever after just like fairy tales do. They live happily for a few days coz the frog left the princess to go back to his pond and then eventually travel to a new castle with the promises of coming back. But the frog turned prince turned back to being a frog again... The princess wondered why. She thought how it happened, what went wrong, she cried and wrote. She cried and get depressed. She cried and went out. And cried some more. But the frog didn't come back. When the frog got in touch with the princess, the promises are no longer there. The feelings are no longer there. Only heartaches and pains remain. The frog whispered to the wind that he intended to visit the princess again. The princess for a while has wondered what's his reason could be. And she came to the conclusion that the frog wanted to be kissed again so he could turn to the handsome prince he was once. But not the princess' prince but somebody else's. She didn't question the frog's promises of returning even though she knows that that was impossible. She wanted him to feel that she doesn't care, that she's unaffected. Although she's wary too, what if it’s another game that he's playing? She wondered but didn't voice out her concerns. If he wanted to see her, then he could. But it doesn't mean that she would jump for joy and welcome him back. She learned her lesson and if she had it her way, she would not go through that pain again with the same man who shattered her heart and left her.
Now, the princess is living without the frog. The frog is just a frog; he was never a prince in the first place. The frog must have cheated her and she believed. It may not be his intentions but the princess got hurt. The princess will then have to wait for another frog... to kiss so she can finally meet her prince.
I used to call him frog and me his princess. Funny, noh? But i just realized the analogy of it all. He's just one of the few frogs that I have to kiss so I can finally meet my prince.
Once upon a time... that was the start of a long online conversation. There was once a frog and a princess; never did the princess realize that the day would come that she would kiss the frog. The princess pawned her heart to the frog not knowing that it was just a game that he used to play.
Almost a year of talking, the frog jumped to the princess' castle so she would be able to give the frog the promise of the kiss. Lo and behold! The frog turned to a handsome prince. But they didn't live happily ever after just like fairy tales do. They live happily for a few days coz the frog left the princess to go back to his pond and then eventually travel to a new castle with the promises of coming back. But the frog turned prince turned back to being a frog again... The princess wondered why. She thought how it happened, what went wrong, she cried and wrote. She cried and get depressed. She cried and went out. And cried some more. But the frog didn't come back. When the frog got in touch with the princess, the promises are no longer there. The feelings are no longer there. Only heartaches and pains remain. The frog whispered to the wind that he intended to visit the princess again. The princess for a while has wondered what's his reason could be. And she came to the conclusion that the frog wanted to be kissed again so he could turn to the handsome prince he was once. But not the princess' prince but somebody else's. She didn't question the frog's promises of returning even though she knows that that was impossible. She wanted him to feel that she doesn't care, that she's unaffected. Although she's wary too, what if it’s another game that he's playing? She wondered but didn't voice out her concerns. If he wanted to see her, then he could. But it doesn't mean that she would jump for joy and welcome him back. She learned her lesson and if she had it her way, she would not go through that pain again with the same man who shattered her heart and left her.
Now, the princess is living without the frog. The frog is just a frog; he was never a prince in the first place. The frog must have cheated her and she believed. It may not be his intentions but the princess got hurt. The princess will then have to wait for another frog... to kiss so she can finally meet her prince.
my last letter
by olive - jan 6, 2006
i have been a regular visitor of cafe erato for a month now. i have stopped writing for quite some time. now, im back. i hope that this is the last sad letter that im gonna write. to all my GT sisses, thanks for the help. without you, i think i wud still be lost and weak.
Dear _____________,
I have stopped writing about my pain for I dont know how to describe it anymore. I cant feel it anymore. Maybe, im healed or it could be im numbed. Nevertheless, I believe that I've moved on. Whatever the reasons are, I dont question it. Im just glad that I have you out of my system.
I still think of you but no longer that much. I still think of you but when I do, there are no more regrets and no more what ifs. I still think of you but when I do, I dont feel the pain anymore. Yes, I may think of you but no, I dont love you anymore. Nor, hate you. But I will always care. So, be careful at work will you? You know, I always worry when you're at work.
The few good memories we had we're already forgotten. I cant remember them anymore. Maybe, bec it happened a few good days only or maybe bec there was none. I cant even visualize your face and how you look anymore. Funny, but maybe bec i saw you only in photos and now the digital representations of you have been removed from my recycle bin. All the things that you gave me were long hidden. And what's left are just bruises of the heartaches you gave me and I know that in a few days, these will be forgotten too. Thats why Im writing now while I can for I know that it will never be the same again.
I thought I'd lost my love for you. Somehow, I lost you but not my quest for love. For I can still feel it my heart, not for you but for myself. And I know that im stronger now than ever before.
Now, I can surely say that Im moving on.. I feel sad though... that Im closing this phase of my life. But I feel that its about time. I've given myself time to cry and time to reminisce. Now, my eyes cant shed a tear and my mind cant remember a thing abt you. Even my "hotel pen" is quitting, I think there's no more ink I know the signs and these are signs that God has given me. He's telling me that enough of the holding on. It's abt time to let go.
Goodbye my love, Im letting you go... Im sorry too.. for now, I cannot be a friend to you. I know you understand.
i have been a regular visitor of cafe erato for a month now. i have stopped writing for quite some time. now, im back. i hope that this is the last sad letter that im gonna write. to all my GT sisses, thanks for the help. without you, i think i wud still be lost and weak.
Dear _____________,
I have stopped writing about my pain for I dont know how to describe it anymore. I cant feel it anymore. Maybe, im healed or it could be im numbed. Nevertheless, I believe that I've moved on. Whatever the reasons are, I dont question it. Im just glad that I have you out of my system.
I still think of you but no longer that much. I still think of you but when I do, there are no more regrets and no more what ifs. I still think of you but when I do, I dont feel the pain anymore. Yes, I may think of you but no, I dont love you anymore. Nor, hate you. But I will always care. So, be careful at work will you? You know, I always worry when you're at work.
The few good memories we had we're already forgotten. I cant remember them anymore. Maybe, bec it happened a few good days only or maybe bec there was none. I cant even visualize your face and how you look anymore. Funny, but maybe bec i saw you only in photos and now the digital representations of you have been removed from my recycle bin. All the things that you gave me were long hidden. And what's left are just bruises of the heartaches you gave me and I know that in a few days, these will be forgotten too. Thats why Im writing now while I can for I know that it will never be the same again.
I thought I'd lost my love for you. Somehow, I lost you but not my quest for love. For I can still feel it my heart, not for you but for myself. And I know that im stronger now than ever before.
Now, I can surely say that Im moving on.. I feel sad though... that Im closing this phase of my life. But I feel that its about time. I've given myself time to cry and time to reminisce. Now, my eyes cant shed a tear and my mind cant remember a thing abt you. Even my "hotel pen" is quitting, I think there's no more ink I know the signs and these are signs that God has given me. He's telling me that enough of the holding on. It's abt time to let go.
Goodbye my love, Im letting you go... Im sorry too.. for now, I cannot be a friend to you. I know you understand.
untitled
by olive - dec 31, 2005
hindi ganun kadali ang lumimot
hindi ganun kadali ang mag-tiwala ulit
dahil nasaktan ka at nagmahal ka
wag mong isara ang puso mo
sa tawag ng bagong pag ibig
wag kang matakot
na magmahal at magtiwala muli...
To Settle
by olive - dec 22, 2005
They said I didn't love you and I was just settling
I wished it was just as simple as that
Maybe if I was I wont get hurt
Maybe if I was I wont see your face in the guy I dated
Maybe if I was I wont smell your scent from a distance
Maybe if I was I wont be in pain letting you go
Maybe if I was I would have forgotten you
Maybe if I was I would have move on
Maybe if I was I wont be holding on
But now, I am settling...
in loving you from a distance...
They said I didn't love you and I was just settling
I wished it was just as simple as that
Maybe if I was I wont get hurt
Maybe if I was I wont see your face in the guy I dated
Maybe if I was I wont smell your scent from a distance
Maybe if I was I wont be in pain letting you go
Maybe if I was I would have forgotten you
Maybe if I was I would have move on
Maybe if I was I wont be holding on
But now, I am settling...
in loving you from a distance...
Friday, September 29, 2006
A Letter For You
by olive - dec 19, 2005
we talked... we talked about us not talking. you said it's just weird. you wanted me to be the old me once again. obviously, i cant. the old me was once in love with you. come to think of it, it's ironic. we're now in reverse. we broke up bec we talked a lot. i talked a lot. i had all your space you couldn't breathe anymore. so, i gave your space back to you. it was hard though. us, not talking... even if it's just for a while. i never thought that that's gonna be our ending. sometimes, i can still feel the pain. sometimes, i can still feel my love you. sometimes, alcohol just can't wipe the tears away. and now, you wanted me to talk. it's weird. i wanted to talk to you too. but its hard. im afraid that talking to you would remind me of the hurts and the pains im trying to forget. im afraid that we'll go back to the way it used to be. im afraid that it will reawaken the feelings I have for you. never mind if it did, but what if its stronger this time? and im too afraid that you would never catch me if I fall again...
you said you read my blogs. you felt my pain. im sorry about that. i didn't mean for you to feel it. you see, thats how i loved you. i didn't want you to get upset because of something i did. we're you jealous when you said that you read a bit about me giving my love to somebody else? i hope you are. bec that would mean that you still have feelings for me. but i know you're not. i can't give my love to someone else. not yet. 'coz im still trying to get it from you. im not rushing to fall in love again. i go out on dates bec i wanted to have fun and forget about you. but now i know that im being unfair to the other guy. if i have it my way, i will give him the love you didn't want.
you said you still love me. i hope its true. but do i believe you? im not sure. maybe. but do i feel it? nope. my mind said that you're just saying it to make me feel better. i hope that im wrong. and i hope you still do. 'coz i still do. but im no longer holding on. im tired holding on. we tried it once. we failed. im scared to try it again. silly me. how can i try it, when you're not even asking me? but no. i won't ask you. if you have wanted you have ask me a long time ago but you didn't. and i know that you would not want me to ask you too. you walked away and i let you bec i know that that's what you wanted. you hated it when i chased you. so i stopped. sometimes, i hated myself for stopping but i know that its for the best. sometimes, i hated myself for not fighting but i know that its a losing battle. i cant ask you to stay even if i wanted to. even if i didn't want to lose you, i lose you anyway. so, i stopped. i stopped hoping and wishing. the genie doesn't exist. i dont want to relieve the past either. and i know that i have to stop doing that. i want the past be forgotten with the hurts and the pains and the love i have for you.
we talked... we talked about us not talking. you said it's just weird. you wanted me to be the old me once again. obviously, i cant. the old me was once in love with you. come to think of it, it's ironic. we're now in reverse. we broke up bec we talked a lot. i talked a lot. i had all your space you couldn't breathe anymore. so, i gave your space back to you. it was hard though. us, not talking... even if it's just for a while. i never thought that that's gonna be our ending. sometimes, i can still feel the pain. sometimes, i can still feel my love you. sometimes, alcohol just can't wipe the tears away. and now, you wanted me to talk. it's weird. i wanted to talk to you too. but its hard. im afraid that talking to you would remind me of the hurts and the pains im trying to forget. im afraid that we'll go back to the way it used to be. im afraid that it will reawaken the feelings I have for you. never mind if it did, but what if its stronger this time? and im too afraid that you would never catch me if I fall again...
you said you read my blogs. you felt my pain. im sorry about that. i didn't mean for you to feel it. you see, thats how i loved you. i didn't want you to get upset because of something i did. we're you jealous when you said that you read a bit about me giving my love to somebody else? i hope you are. bec that would mean that you still have feelings for me. but i know you're not. i can't give my love to someone else. not yet. 'coz im still trying to get it from you. im not rushing to fall in love again. i go out on dates bec i wanted to have fun and forget about you. but now i know that im being unfair to the other guy. if i have it my way, i will give him the love you didn't want.
you said you still love me. i hope its true. but do i believe you? im not sure. maybe. but do i feel it? nope. my mind said that you're just saying it to make me feel better. i hope that im wrong. and i hope you still do. 'coz i still do. but im no longer holding on. im tired holding on. we tried it once. we failed. im scared to try it again. silly me. how can i try it, when you're not even asking me? but no. i won't ask you. if you have wanted you have ask me a long time ago but you didn't. and i know that you would not want me to ask you too. you walked away and i let you bec i know that that's what you wanted. you hated it when i chased you. so i stopped. sometimes, i hated myself for stopping but i know that its for the best. sometimes, i hated myself for not fighting but i know that its a losing battle. i cant ask you to stay even if i wanted to. even if i didn't want to lose you, i lose you anyway. so, i stopped. i stopped hoping and wishing. the genie doesn't exist. i dont want to relieve the past either. and i know that i have to stop doing that. i want the past be forgotten with the hurts and the pains and the love i have for you.
leave me alone
by olive - dec 12, 2005
Stop! You don't have to talk to me just like before
Stop! You don’t have to call me just like before
Stop! ‘Coz you’re making it hard for me…
Don’t you see? I am moving on and I have told you that
I am not ready to talk to you
I am not ready to see you
I am not ready to get in touch with you
It’s different now; I have my own life to live
A life that doesn’t include you
So just stop! Leave me alone and let me move on
Stop! Don’t plague my mind with thoughts of you
Stop! Don’t pretend that nothing painful happened between us
Stop! Don’t make it hard for me
Can’t you see? You’re confusing me
You’re playing with my emotions
It’s different now; I have my own life to live
A life that doesn’t include you
So just stop! Leave me alone and let me move on
Just stop! ‘Coz I did…
I’ve stopped…
Wishing and hoping…
Thinking and dreaming…
Missing and loving…
The day I let you go.
So stop! Leave me alone and let me move on…
Stop! You don't have to talk to me just like before
Stop! You don’t have to call me just like before
Stop! ‘Coz you’re making it hard for me…
Don’t you see? I am moving on and I have told you that
I am not ready to talk to you
I am not ready to see you
I am not ready to get in touch with you
It’s different now; I have my own life to live
A life that doesn’t include you
So just stop! Leave me alone and let me move on
Stop! Don’t plague my mind with thoughts of you
Stop! Don’t pretend that nothing painful happened between us
Stop! Don’t make it hard for me
Can’t you see? You’re confusing me
You’re playing with my emotions
It’s different now; I have my own life to live
A life that doesn’t include you
So just stop! Leave me alone and let me move on
Just stop! ‘Coz I did…
I’ve stopped…
Wishing and hoping…
Thinking and dreaming…
Missing and loving…
The day I let you go.
So stop! Leave me alone and let me move on…
sa pagdating ng pasko...
i wrote this a year ago during a post xmas party while having a few drinks. my friends didn't have any idea that while i was tinkering on my mobile i was actually writing something.
by olive - dec 10, 2005
pasko ay nalalapit, di maramdaman
pangakong pagbabalik, nais kalimutan
tuwa ay lumipas, ngiti'y naglaho na
ningning sa mata'y di na makita
naisin ko mang kahapon natin sabay nating balikan
pag ibig sa puso ay di masumpungan
galit at hinampo aking dinamdam
ipikit man ang mata di makalimutan
anuman aking gawin, oras palipasin
lahat ng kaibigan, ako man ay aliwin
lunurin ang sarili sa saliw ng tugtugin
pag pikit ng mata, ikaw pa din ang hiling
espiritu ng inumin matapos maglaho
sakit ng kahapon narito pa dn sa puso
ngayong nalalapit na ang araw ng pasko
lalong masakit, hapdi sa puso ko
kayakap ang unan sa gabing malamig
kasiping ang luha hanggang sa mapikit
pinagsamahan natin di mawaglit sa isip
pilit binabalikan ng pusong makulit
tanong ng isip ko ay hanggang kailan
pilit hinahanap ang kasagutan
baligtarin ko man ang mundo, isip ko man ay malito
tanging ikaw pa dn tinitibok ng puso ko
sabihin man nilang martir, ilan may sabing baliw
bulong ng damdamin ko, tanging ikaw pa din
hanggang kailan ako maghihintay? aking katanungan
maaaring hanggang kaw ay malimutan o posible ding hanggang pasko ay dumaan...
by olive - dec 10, 2005
pasko ay nalalapit, di maramdaman
pangakong pagbabalik, nais kalimutan
tuwa ay lumipas, ngiti'y naglaho na
ningning sa mata'y di na makita
naisin ko mang kahapon natin sabay nating balikan
pag ibig sa puso ay di masumpungan
galit at hinampo aking dinamdam
ipikit man ang mata di makalimutan
anuman aking gawin, oras palipasin
lahat ng kaibigan, ako man ay aliwin
lunurin ang sarili sa saliw ng tugtugin
pag pikit ng mata, ikaw pa din ang hiling
espiritu ng inumin matapos maglaho
sakit ng kahapon narito pa dn sa puso
ngayong nalalapit na ang araw ng pasko
lalong masakit, hapdi sa puso ko
kayakap ang unan sa gabing malamig
kasiping ang luha hanggang sa mapikit
pinagsamahan natin di mawaglit sa isip
pilit binabalikan ng pusong makulit
tanong ng isip ko ay hanggang kailan
pilit hinahanap ang kasagutan
baligtarin ko man ang mundo, isip ko man ay malito
tanging ikaw pa dn tinitibok ng puso ko
sabihin man nilang martir, ilan may sabing baliw
bulong ng damdamin ko, tanging ikaw pa din
hanggang kailan ako maghihintay? aking katanungan
maaaring hanggang kaw ay malimutan o posible ding hanggang pasko ay dumaan...
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
the start of my goodbye
by olive - dec 8, 2005
not ever will i think of you
before i go to sleep
wondering how’s your day been
not ever will I think of you
when I wake up
wondering if you’re also thinking of me
not ever will I reminisce the good times
we shared together, for they will be like that
memories of the past
not ever will I relieve the pain and the heartaches
for they will have to be forgotten
not ever will I go to places we had been
for it will create pangs of hurt I’m trying to forget
not ever will I do the things that we used to do
for it will just destroy me
not ever…
and after this…
not ever will I remember you
and the past.. and our bittersweet memories…
for I am moving on
and saying goodbye…
not ever will i think of you
before i go to sleep
wondering how’s your day been
not ever will I think of you
when I wake up
wondering if you’re also thinking of me
not ever will I reminisce the good times
we shared together, for they will be like that
memories of the past
not ever will I relieve the pain and the heartaches
for they will have to be forgotten
not ever will I go to places we had been
for it will create pangs of hurt I’m trying to forget
not ever will I do the things that we used to do
for it will just destroy me
not ever…
and after this…
not ever will I remember you
and the past.. and our bittersweet memories…
for I am moving on
and saying goodbye…
have u ever wished upon a star?
by olive - dec 7, 2005
have u ever wished upon a star?
have u ever looked at the sky?
have u ever witnessed the falling of a shooting star?
have u ever seen the moon in its glorious beauty?
have u ever stared at the stars in its brightest?
have u ever felt the joy of falling in love?
have u ever felt the warmth of his embrace?
have u ever heard his laughter?
have u ever heard his life?
have u ever been in love?
have u ever felt the pain of betrayal and lost of trust?
have u ever felt the hurt of letting go?
have u ever felt the breaking of ur heart?
have u ever wished upon a star?
coz i do... and this is my last wish..
i wished..
that it would all be over..
have u ever wished upon a star?
have u ever looked at the sky?
have u ever witnessed the falling of a shooting star?
have u ever seen the moon in its glorious beauty?
have u ever stared at the stars in its brightest?
have u ever felt the joy of falling in love?
have u ever felt the warmth of his embrace?
have u ever heard his laughter?
have u ever heard his life?
have u ever been in love?
have u ever felt the pain of betrayal and lost of trust?
have u ever felt the hurt of letting go?
have u ever felt the breaking of ur heart?
have u ever wished upon a star?
coz i do... and this is my last wish..
i wished..
that it would all be over..
so much love yet so much pain...
by olive - dec 7, 2005
i love you it hurts to see you walk away
i love you it pains me to let you go
i love you it drives me crazy
i love you it keeps me from moving on
but what can i do?
what else can i do to keep you from going away
?i did everything.. i gave you everything..
but i guess, its not enough
but what pains me most is...
knowing that you were gone
even before i let you go...
i love you it hurts to see you walk away
i love you it pains me to let you go
i love you it drives me crazy
i love you it keeps me from moving on
but what can i do?
what else can i do to keep you from going away
?i did everything.. i gave you everything..
but i guess, its not enough
but what pains me most is...
knowing that you were gone
even before i let you go...
maximum heartache
by olive - dec 6, 2005
i may hav cryd a rver
bt my tears wer nt enuf 2 mke an ocean
be proud... 4 sum1 had blindly fallen n luv wd u
bt its ur lost.. not mine
4 sum1 wil nt love u
as much as i do
i may hav cryd a rver
bt my tears wer nt enuf 2 mke an ocean
be proud... 4 sum1 had blindly fallen n luv wd u
bt its ur lost.. not mine
4 sum1 wil nt love u
as much as i do
Before you let go...
I have had enough. No, do not try to reason with me, this is too much. I will try not to think of you when I wake up in the morning and ask myself if somehow you are also awake. I have my own life to lead and my own life to think of. No, I will not even think of you while I am eating my lunch wondering if you are doing the same thing, because eventually I know you will. No, never again will I go to the comfort room and lock myself in just to have some privacy to piteously think of you, cry, sing or do some silly things because of you. In addition, no, never will i again think of you last when I go to sleep. Sleep is my only rest, so please do not plague me in my dreams. I am moving on. I will try to wake up in the morning, smile, and think not of why you left but that once you stayed. And if I feel the need to cry, it will not be for the future that we could have, not for the regrets that I have nor of the anger that i feel, but I will cry because of a love that I never was able to share with the one man I felt it for. I will cry for the love that was lost, and not for the man who left. I will give my affections to any man who is need of it, but not my heart because I still am trying to get it back from you. I will give him the love that you never wanted, the kiss that I so longed to give you and the words that once was yours. Worthy or not worthy of it, at least he is here, you are not. I will try to hold back the tears when I think of you. I will just try to smile. I am moving on, hoping that the next thing would be letting go..
A Love Letter for The One Who Got Away
Quite a long read but nice. Makes me think that im not alone...
Got this from Girl Talkers forum...
http://www2.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php?topic=80774.0
Hi! How are you?
You know what? I thought of you today. I don't know how, in the midst of my most hectic days, thoughts of you manage to squeeze their way into my mind. I don't know how you do it, considering that I haven't heard from you for four years now. Come to think of it, I didn't even realize until now that it has been four years. Four years, so many "relationships" since then, and yet, I still go back to you.
I know, it's not your fault we're not even friends anymore. After all, I was the one who changed numbers and didn't tell you. But please understand that, at that time, I thought it was the best way to go for both of us. I couldn't get the closure that I wanted, because I knew you were just a text away. Besides, back then, I was considering dating one of my closest friends seriously, and the only way I could possibly do that without going crazy was by cutting you off. I'm sorry for that.
I was the ultimate cynic before I met you, and I know I shouldn't be reminding you of this, because you know this so well. I was the girl who was terrified to commit, terrified to lay her heart out on the open, terrified to gamble, for the weirdest and most confusing reasons…
Actually, now that I had so much time to think about it, my phobia back then can actually be summed up in four words: fear of getting hurt. I was so petrified at the thought of getting hurt, that I made people believe that I regarded them closely, but actually dealt with them at arms' length. I never let anyone get close enough to hurt me. I originally planned to do the same with you. Of course, you wouldn't allow me. That was one of the reasons why, I believe, I fell for you.
My love life, predictably, has a very sad and sorry cycle. Guy X falls for me. I fall for him. He tries to get close to me. I place him at a safe distance. He tries to get closer. I push him farther away. He gets tired of trying. I get tired of myself. We let go. I try bitterly to move on. I meet Guy Y, but I can't deal with him too well because I'm still moping about Guy X. And the cycle repeats itself almost automatically. I know that to be happy, you have to gamble, but I was never a good risk taker. Not until after you.
You were unlike any guy I've ever met before. You were a spoiled brat who was used to getting what he wanted in an instant. Admittedly, I was a spoiled brat too. So we clashed. You hated all the things that I loved, and I loathed all the things that interested you. It was a match made in hell. But somehow, for some unknown reason, you stayed put.
I still don't know how you did it. Somehow, someway, you managed to pull the rug off from under me. And before I even knew what was happening, I had been swept off my feet.
I remember just now, how the simplest of your gestures can make me so giddy. I remember how I was when I used to wait for your call. I used to shudder in anticipation of hearing your voice, literally speaking. And when you text me, it was like nothing else mattered-at all.
I can vaguely remember the kilig feeling, but I know that it felt like my insides were turning to mush, my muscles were dissolving in electricity, and butterflies were hammering against my throat. I know, they don't sound too good in print, but they are, in actuality, the best feelings in the world.
I remember, still quite vividly, how the mere memory of your laugh was enough to make me smile, and how the mere sound of your voice had been enough to brighten up the darkest of my days. I remember looking forward to waking up every morning, because I knew it would be another day to communicate with you. Somehow, deep down, I knew I was falling for you. Somehow, however, I tried to bury them to the deepest recesses of my heart in the hope of vanquishing them forever.
I remember quite well how you told me, countless of times, how much you loved me. Unfortunately, I am also constantly reminded how cruel I was. Because every time you said you cared, I always found ways to avoid answering back. I'd tell you, "I like you as a person," or I'd say, "Mushy!" It got to the point, however, that I got tired of making up ways to avoid your question that I just told you, "You know I can't answer that right now." I'm so darn stupid! I would always have to stop from banging myself against the wall when I remember how badly I treated you. And, I know, no matter how many times I tell you I'm sorry, nothing would ever change anything.
You asked me once why I liked you. And I told you, "Because you make me happy." And you know what? You really did. You made me happy, in a way that I never thought I could ever be. I thank you for that.
To tell you honestly, I don't remember how you look like. I can only remember certain aspects. But I do remember, so very well, the sound of your voice, your musical laughter, and sadly, even the distant and angry tone of your voice as we neared our goodbyes.
Maybe I'll never forget you. Maybe I'll never live down the fact that I had you - but I let you go. Was it that, or was it that I had you, but I did not work hard, did not fight hard enough to make you stay? I don't know. I don't want to think, and I don't believe that now is the time to rationalize about these things. Because the truth of the matter is, you're gone.
I hate living this life, knowing that I'll be thinking of these "what if's" for the rest of my life. I hate wishing that I could turn back time, so that I could correct all my mistakes, took all the risks I should have taken, and reached for your hand when you held it out for me. But it's too late for that, and it's not even plausible anyway.
I can't help but wonder, once in a while, how you're doing. I wonder if you're happy, or if some lucky creature is making you happy. I wonder if you still think of me, or even just remember that I exist. Because I think of you. Every single day, against my will, against my better judgment. I've fooled myself long enough to believe that you're not important in my life, not essential to my existence. I'm tired of my own masquerade. I just want to acknowledge the fact that yes, you have touched my life, even if I have acknowledged this too late.
A lot of people say, "There are many fishes in the sea." They weren't lying. I found that out myself after we separated ways. I dated like hell when you said goodbye, trying to numb myself from the pain, trying to ignore the emptiness that was left with the vacuum that you created in my life. But you know what? At the end of the day, it was still you. I couldn't find the special spark that I found in you, not even in better-looking or funnier or smarter or richer guys. They didn't have the magic that you had. They couldn't make my insides melt with a smile. They couldn't ease away all my pains with a call. Simply put, they were not you. Yes, they were many, but none of them was you.
I wish you could see me now. I believe I can safely say that I'm a much better person now than I was four years ago. I have a better perspective on life and love. I don't make up fights anymore just to make things interesting. I don't make up stories anymore to test how much people love me. I don't play mind games anymore. And when I feel something, I say it. I'm not afraid to love anymore. I'm not afraid to get hurt. I'm no longer afraid to take risks. I just wish you were here to see the new, different me. But then again, that could never happen, no matter how hard I try to wish for it.
You know what? Because of you, I promised myself a few things. I promised myself that I would never be afraid to fall or get hurt. I promised myself that I would take risks, seize opportunities, and conquer my fears. I promised myself that I would never settle for anything less than butterflies.
I used to believe that when you lose someone, you'll get a chance to meet them again. I used to believe in second chances. Losing you has taught me that there are no second chances in life. When you meet someone, and you are given that chance to change their lives, you have to take hold of that opportunity, because that is the only chance you've got. You have your chance, and that's it. You have to make the most out of it, and then let go when it's time. People come and go, and you have to live with it.
I constantly have to remind myself that you've done your part in my life. You taught me the lesson you came to teach, so you have to leave. I have to move on. I shouldn't wait. But I can't help it.
God, I miss you so much...
of vodka, tequila, margarita and bacardi..
by olive - dec 5, 2005
when i'm feeling down and lonely..
when i'm in pain and i want to forget..
when i'm having sleepless nights...
i turn to friends for comfort and assurance...
we have girl talks over some drinks...
drowning myself with alcohol (even if i'm not a good drinker)
i prided myself that its better to feel
the hang over brought by alcohol
compared to the pain of having a heart broken.
until when...
i dont know.. i've asked myself that questions a thousand times
but i still cant figure it out
am i living in the past?
i dont know.. i wished i'm not..
'coz i want to move on and get myself back.
i know putting myself back on track is not an easy process
but first things first... i have to let go and move on
when and how to start? i dont know...
i'm still trying to figure it out...
a friend said that 'he's not worth the tears and the time so dont linger on the past'
another said 'find some time and make urself busy..
discover happpiness that doesnt include him'
i washed away the tears and the pain by drinking...
even if its just for a while
heavens may cry for me
friends may listen in all my qualms
but in the end, it still depends on me...
if i really want to let go or hold back...
i dont know... the feelings i have for him is still so strong
so strong that it still consumes me and my whole being
i know i have to stop.. sooner or later..
or all the efforts of forgetting him and
forgiving myself will all be in vain..
when i'm feeling down and lonely..
when i'm in pain and i want to forget..
when i'm having sleepless nights...
i turn to friends for comfort and assurance...
we have girl talks over some drinks...
drowning myself with alcohol (even if i'm not a good drinker)
i prided myself that its better to feel
the hang over brought by alcohol
compared to the pain of having a heart broken.
until when...
i dont know.. i've asked myself that questions a thousand times
but i still cant figure it out
am i living in the past?
i dont know.. i wished i'm not..
'coz i want to move on and get myself back.
i know putting myself back on track is not an easy process
but first things first... i have to let go and move on
when and how to start? i dont know...
i'm still trying to figure it out...
a friend said that 'he's not worth the tears and the time so dont linger on the past'
another said 'find some time and make urself busy..
discover happpiness that doesnt include him'
i washed away the tears and the pain by drinking...
even if its just for a while
heavens may cry for me
friends may listen in all my qualms
but in the end, it still depends on me...
if i really want to let go or hold back...
i dont know... the feelings i have for him is still so strong
so strong that it still consumes me and my whole being
i know i have to stop.. sooner or later..
or all the efforts of forgetting him and
forgiving myself will all be in vain..
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
in time i will
by olive - nov 2, 2005
my mind and my heart are fighting
my heart said "love him and give it another chance"
my mind said "dont be stupid, he's just lying"
my mind and my heart are fighting
my mind said "i need a break, i need to mellow, to forget and to move on"
my heart said "i need to be with you"
my mind and my heart are fighting
my heart said "accept the fact that you're two different persons and that he's too far away, and just believe that he loves me"
my mind said "stop! thats not supposed to happen"
my mind asked my heart "when are you going to stop and listen?"
my heart told my mind "i will stop when i dont love him anymore.
i know i'm loving blindly but you dont fall out of love in a day.
you dont forget in day. you dont let go in a day. you dont move on in day. in time, i will."
my mind and my heart are fighting
my heart said "love him and give it another chance"
my mind said "dont be stupid, he's just lying"
my mind and my heart are fighting
my mind said "i need a break, i need to mellow, to forget and to move on"
my heart said "i need to be with you"
my mind and my heart are fighting
my heart said "accept the fact that you're two different persons and that he's too far away, and just believe that he loves me"
my mind said "stop! thats not supposed to happen"
my mind asked my heart "when are you going to stop and listen?"
my heart told my mind "i will stop when i dont love him anymore.
i know i'm loving blindly but you dont fall out of love in a day.
you dont forget in day. you dont let go in a day. you dont move on in day. in time, i will."
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