Closing Cycles

by Paolo Coehlo

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time,
we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it,
what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house?
Gone to live abroad?
Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will befinishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time,
not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.
What has passed will not return:
we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents,
lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts
and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go.
Release them.
Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return,
do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,
your genius to be discovered,
your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again,
the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss:
that is only poisoning you,
nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off,
work that is promised but there is no starting date,
decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment.
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished:
tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.
Nothing is irreplaceable A habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult,
but it is very important.

Closing cycles.
Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, changethe record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

i fear death

dying is inevitable
we're all going there, that's our ultimate destiny

but i fear death... i fear dying helplessly and alone

i just watched united 93 on video last night
what happened to the airline pasengers were terrible
my single brain cell just cannot comprehend it
how they had to suffer in the hands of their hijackers
how they had to call their loved ones to say goodbye
how they had to fight back bec in a matter of minutes
they knew that they are all going to die

there was a joke circulating in the email before... something like this..

doc: sorry, wala na kong magagawa. may taning na buhay mo.
patient: gano katagal po doc?
doc: 10
patient: 10 months
doc: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 ....

would i want to know when im going to die? NO.
i'd rather live my life as normal as it can be. no waiting for the axe to come my way.

shucks! im so morbid...

sound of life: you raise me up
feeling: down

martir lang

kung uso pa ang binabaril sa luneta dahil sa pagiging martir
maari mo atang isama ang pangalan ko sa listahan
at hindi ko itatatwa o ipagkakaila
kasalanan ko ba ang maging martir?

gisingin mo man ang natutulog kong damdamin
di ko mawari bakit parating sayo ko ninanais na bumalik
sino ka nga ba? buhay ka pa ba?
bakit damdamin ko ata'y bato na?

alam kong walang patutunguhan
itong ganitong uring kahibangan
sana nga ito ay isang panaginip na lamang
o baka sadyang talagang martir na nga lang ako?

wala akong hinihintay na anumang pagtingin mula sa yo
hindi rin ako nabubuhay sa ating nakaraan
ano nga bang nakalipas ang meron tayo?
alam ko naman kung asan ang dapat kong kalagyan

ninais kong kasuklaman ka
sa lahat ng pasakit na dinulot mo sa buhay ko
ninais kong isumpa ka at ibaon sa limot
di ko nga lang talaga maturuan ang puso ko

sadya nga lang sigurong ibang klase akong magmahal
isang pagmamahal na maari ngang ipabaril sa luneta...

it must be love

i've heard this somewhere:

if you cant find it in your heart to hate, then that must be love.

if people will regard this as a sin. then, i guess im guilty and must be condemn to hell.

i might still be in love 'coz i cant find it in my heart to hate you.
to hate you for all the things that you thought of me.
to hate you for breaking my heart.
to hate you for not hating you at all.

when u say u love me

by Josh Groban

Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.

When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive

[bridge:]
And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment,I know why I'm alive

When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

=======================

If love is no longer enough to sustain the relationship then it isn't love. 'Coz love will always be enough...
that's me being hopeless romantic...

by olive - oct 2, 2006

i cannot be a meantime girl.. nor a friend with benefits...

my feelings do not matter anymore. i could still in love with you but i dont wanna deal with it.
it was just a feeling that i was supposed to kill it a year ago.. well, i guess i did not love you enough
coz the pains you caused me didnt kill me. though, basically, i thought you killed my heart when you broke it to a thousand pieces.

the love will always be there. perhaps hidden. but one thing is sure, its no longer intense as before.
i can sleep quietly at night when a year ago, i found sleep to be elusive.
i can smile and laugh now when a year ago, i only had a tear-jerked face to look in the mirror.
i can hang out with my friends now until the wee hours when a year ago, the only companion i had was my precious notebook.

a person close to me once said.. do not let him mess you again.
how can i let you mess up with me.. when the fact is, im still messed up.
im still battling inner conflicts.

and while you're occassionally keeping in touch.. i know as much as i want to deny it, i will just hang in there. non-commital. unrequited. and in the end, i know that this is a battle i wont win how much i tried.

The night has a thousand eyes, and the day but one
Yet the light of the bright world dies with the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes, and the heart but one
Yet the light of a whole life dies when its love is done.

----Francis W. Bourdillon

if i kissed you

would you turned out to be the handsome prince that i've been waiting all my lifetime..

or would i close my eyes for a hundred years of deep slumber?

be happy

i have read this somewhere...

Be happy, in a way, because for a few wonderful months, you woke up with a smile and dreamed dreams that you never dreamed before. He made you forget your dreary chores and, from a distance, he made you feel wanted and loved.Not everything went to waste then. It was fun while it lasted. But be wary next time about honeyed words coming through telephone lines or computers screens. Hopefully, you've learned a bitter lesson in all this. Amen.

i certainly hope that i learned my lesson...

my violet things

everyone who knew me knows thats this is my fave color, from magenta to purple. so, here's a list of my violet things:

1. comforter set
2. bath towel, face towel
3. hankies
4. tank top
5. blouses
6. slip ons
7. rubber shoes
8. pashmina
9. bag
10. pouch
11. celfone holder
12. umbrella
13. comb
14. shower cap
15. cologne container
16. small container of knick knacks
17. hangers
18. vase
19. nail polish
20. toothbrush
21. ym/msn fonts
22. space background
23. bracelet
24. earrings
25. hoola hoop

wow! this is quite a long list.. but i bet i still have a lot... i'll definitely check my drawer for these stuffs...

pieces of me

nope, this is not a song nor jewel's album...

marshmallows, strawberries, jelly ace, dried beans, chips, tocino, skinless longganisa, french fries, mee goreng, chocolate cravings, jolibbee spaghetti, barbeque, pasta, cafe cartel's pork ribs, max's fried chicken, puto at dinuguan, crabs, prawns, squid/fish balls, hmmm... banana with my sinigang yummy!

baguio, tagaytay, puerto galera, laguna, subic, corregidor, australia, singapore, malaysia, indonesia, new york, thailand

reading books/e-books, sydney sheldon, harry potter, meg cabot, feel good books, shopaholic series, chicklits; watching movies/vcds/dvds; shopping: bags, shoes, tank tops, chandeliar earrings, accessories, girly stuffs, baby tees, small pins, flip flops; going out with friends; spa; girltalking; blogging; hoola hoops; belly dancing; steps aero; jigsaw puzzles; color violet; chopsticks on my hair; dolphin collections

sat/sunday mass, wednesday novena, weekend international calls, weeknights online conversation with ram and rev, occassional drinking: margarita, tequila, vodka, listening to my mobile radio while riding the mrt/bus, while working, while walking, listening to my mp3 collections while chatting; watching tv: desperate housewives, grey's anatomy, smallville, lost, csi, alias, gilmore girls, charmed, survivors, fear factor, e.r, felicity; day dreaming; foot scrub, manicure, pedicure

Hate Me

by Blue October

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

If You Forget Me...

By Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists:
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love,
ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

The Invitation

by Oriah

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us tobe careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the insidewhen all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

after all

by olive - may 7, 2006

sometimes i wonder

after all what i've been through
after all the alcohols i had to take and the efforts to forget you
after all the words left unspoken and wishes unheard
after all the heartaches and pains
after all the shattered dreams and broken promises
and after all those sleepless nights and tears i've cried

why do i still miss you this much?

never again

taken from GT: http://www2.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php?topic=101811.0

For as long as I could remember, I have been living in this peaceful and undisturbed place, enclosed in sturdy and powerful walls. Plenty of people have tried to lure me away from here. Some say that I was missing half of my life by confining and isolating myself. Others condescendingly shake their heads in amusement, and knowingly declare that I will eventually surface from my dwelling. Whereas others more seek to tempt me, by promising things left and right, trying to make me believe that it was better for me to be with them, and outside my sheltered condition.

Amongst all these, I stubbornly shook my head in defiance, because I was certain that my present situation was what’s best for me. It is my choice to be here, anyway. Away from pain, sheltered from sorrow, and safe from getting hurt once again.

But as fate would have it, you came. Amidst the crowd, you held out your hand to me. I tried my best to refuse you, I really did. I burrowed myself further inside my place, but still you were persistent. I tried to get in touch with my cynical nature and recalled the reasons why I would rather confine myself in the first place, but I was unsuccessful. Slowly, reluctantly, I find myself leaving my personal hole. And you were there, waiting.

You opened my eyes to a wonderful place, and indeed, I felt bliss. There was so much to explore, things I never thought existed, and emotions I have almost forgotten I was capable of feeling. I finally came across things that I only saw in my secret fantasies. You and me. Together. And for that moment, that is all that mattered.

Yes, for a while I genuinely forgot about my past existence, and I have almost convinced myself that, as long as you are here, I was better and happier. Almost. Without warning, I slowly stirred from my trance, like a light bulb inside my head was turned on. I was reminded of the cruel realities that seem to cast a shadow over this different world I am now in. People who previously appeared as angels were now creeping back to me as monsters of my past. Places that seemed beautiful and magnificent now looked haunted. A variety of unfamiliar feelings slithered inside me-jealousy, sadness, bitterness.

I searched for you, but you were not there. All of a sudden, your fingers deliberately slipped away from mine. The hand, the very being, I foolishly believed would always be there, was gone.

Now I am lost and confused. I cannot return to where I came from, for you have already shown me another world beyond my own, a place where I ridiculously trusted that dreams could come true yet again. I cannot remain in this world either, since I am afraid of not being able to survive on my own, without you to hang on to.

It took me quite a while to realize, and to finally admit to myself, that I have fallen in love with someone I should not have fallen in love with. And now I have no idea what to do next and where to go. The wall that used to be my shelter already has crumbled down at my feet. Once more, I am everything I swore I never will be again.

for a while...

by olive - april 25, 2006

for a while, i thought i've moved on
for a while, i thought i had let you go
for a while, i thought i'm so over you

but after a while, i saw you in my dreams

and then it hit me..
was it just really a dream?
or was it my heart playing tricks on me?

my romantic date

by olive - april 21, 2006

we were walking on the beach. holding hands, our feet touching the mix of white sand and water. dont ask me what i was feeling by then.. coz its just pure nostalgia. a few months ago, i would never have thought i will never get to feel this same feeling again... its a good thing i was wrong. so wrong. im happy now, never been happier. he's just the answer to my long waiting. and he's the best. surely, good things come to those people who know how to wait and pray. he fills the vacuum in my heart. he just knows how to make me happy. enough not to give me everything. sometimes, i think if he's for real coz he's just too good to be true but i know he is not.

i was awoken from this reverie when i felt his fingers gently caressing my cheek as he remove the strand of my hair that's been blown by the wind.

we continue strolling on the shore, admiring the magnificent view of the ocean. the mild wave tiptoeing on our feet. its starting to get dark and we were waiting for the sunset. coz we both love how the sun looks as it trancends on the horizon. the view was just comforting. and loving. i wished that the time will stop and it will be like this forever, just us and the beach and the sun. after a while, we went back to the hotel to have our dinner.. a sumptous platter of seafoods of different types. yummy! and a plateful of citrus fruits... the dinner was great aside with the occasional glances we shared across the candle-light table. we talked. we talked about us. about where we're heading, what we're feeling. in the end, we decided to take things slow and be happy for what we have now bec that's all that matters. no one knows whats going to happen next and we both know it.

after dinner, we headed back to the beach. he knew i love watching the stars shining at night. it was such a romantic night. an unforgettable night...

and then i heard my mobile rings... buzz, buzz, buzz... sh*t! my alarm went off...

it was just a dream.

damn!

thank you

by olive - april 20, 2006

i forgot to thank you for all the good things that you've done to me. so, im thanking you now...

thank you... for caring... i know you really did
thank you... for the sweet things that you made for me... those are the small things that endeared you to me
thank you... for the hugs and the kisses and the cuddles... it made me feel special
thank you... for the memories... it will always be hidden in my heart, forgotten
thank you... for the sleepless nights... now i appreciate sleeping more :D
thank you... for leaving me... if you didn't i would not know how it is to missed somebody so much
thank you... for hurting me... if you didn't i would not know that i am capable of crying
thank you... for all the tears i've cried... for it is through these tears that i drew up my strength
thank you... for loving me... even if its just for a while.. coz it made me realize that i love myself more

so there you go... thank you!

touch me...

by olive - april 19, 2006

touch me
in the stillness of the cold night
and keep me warm in your sweet embrace

touch me
on the darkness of my shadow
and soothe my fears away

touch me
in the deep recesses of my soul
and say the words i long to hear

touch me
in the midst of my angst
and take away my my pain

touch me
and hold me like i've never been held before

for in your touch, i feel complete
for in your touch, i feel secured
for in your touch, i feel loved...

so, touch me...

see me naked

by olive - april 16, 2006

see me naked...

beyond what the eyes can see
beyond what the hands can touch
beyond what words can utter
beyond what the mind can think
but with what the heart can feel...

and maybe then...
just maybe...

you can see the real me...

questions i only have

taken from GT: http://www2.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php?topic=86486.0

how is love born in one's heart?
where does it come from?
can we know when it is coming??
can we stop it?
can we hide from it??
can we kill it??...
can we keep it from growing in our hearts
or in the heart of another...??

how does love grow?
what makes it grow??
what nurtures it; what kills it??
can it stay longer till forever??
or just die slowly in secret..??

can we let love go
even before it has started??
afraid that it will not last, or fade. . .
and leave us battered, and broken..

why is love elusive, yet
when it's there we fear it...??

i long for love to teach me...
teach me how to trust...
teach me how to feel freely...
teach me how to live
and love truly.

i long for love to take me
where i want to be...

safe.