broken..

ganito pala ang feeling ng broken hearted.. parang gusto ko nang bumalik sa singapore and be comforted by my friends, magpakalunod sa alcohol and run away from eveything. again, i'd imagine myself resurrecting from the depths of my heartaches. masakit pala :'(

syempre, kakayanin.. kinaya ko nun, kaya ko ngayon.. whatever im feeling right now, wala to sa kalingkingan ng pinagdaanan ko before..

...

someday, somewhere, i will find that one special person who will make me feel that i am not just an option but I AM his choice..

mahal na nga ba kita?

i cant remember why you happened to ask me that question, what we were talking at the time. no, let me phrase it.. you asked 'do you love me?' i knew you were in a playful mood yesterday. we were dancing around in circles for as long as i can remember, i dont want to use flirting. its kind of bringing a negative term to me. i just enjoyed talking with you, me a feisty one. but you caught me off guard with that question, you made me uncomfortable.

well, of course, you didnt know that. i never said a thing. i just kept quiet. but that question made me ponder. love is such a profound word and i dont know if im even capable of feeling or giving it. of course, i want to. for a long time, i've been waiting for that moment to happen. but probably not with you. my life is melodramatic enough without you in it, i dont think my vulnerable heart could afford to take off its shield for you.

i just hope that not saying anything would let you know how i truly feel. i do like you, what isn't about you that's not likeable. but love? no, i dont know you enough to love you. for all i know, that's just one of your silly games again :(

goodnight my love

goodnight my love
don't fear the night
i'll stay by your side
you won't be alone
i'll guard and protect you
not in any way hurt you
i'll chase away your bad dreams
and eventually,
the darkness will subside.

tomorrow is another day
we will start our forever
i'll grow old with you
share my dreams with you
i'll promise not to break this vow
and together,
we'll write new story of our life
i'll be a loving husband
and you'll be my perfect wife.

completely, absolutely in love

be still my heart
thud thud thud
its sound beating fast
and i know, deep inside
im completely, absolutely in love

our fingers intertwined
eyes only for each other
dreaming big dreams together
and i know, deep inside
im completely, absolutely in love

.. sigh, if only it was all true. im desperately trying to finish the poem but since i haven't experience this kind of feeling for ages, i found it hard to put them into words.. kaya ganyan na lang muna sya, unfinished :(

sabi ng friend ko, pano ko daw matatapos kung di ako naghahanap.. well, being a hopeless romantic, i told her.. love will find me at the right time, at the right moment.. and it will be magically true. because he found me when i am hidden, because i got him when i least expect it.

... sigh, ang tanda ko na.. naniniwala pa din ako sa fairy tale.. that would be my happy ever after, when i got my prince. after that, i'll face reality. from there, we'll see if we can live happily ever after..

he will be the air that i breathe
and i will be the earth that he walk on
he will be my summer in snowy winter days
and i will be the flower that blooms on his fall

he will be my morning kiss
my sunshine on a gloomy sky
a rainbow on my rainy day
and i, i will be his life...

an oath to the one

i wont promise you my life
because it's the only thing i have
i wont give you the sun, moon, stars and sky
you already have them on your hand...

dont depend your happiness on my smiles
it is never gonna lasts
there would be teardrops along the way
but it wont make us apart...

i wont guarantee that ours would be a blissful relationship
and expect that there will be bumpy roads ahead
but i wont never ever leave your side
and i'll make sure you got me all your life...

i wont give up my dreams for you
but i'd definitely share it with you
i would stand by your side and forever be true
this i promise, all my life, i'll be there for you...

and if by chance and by time, we drift apart
my love will sustain all the hurt
just dont let me see you turn your back
'coz that would mean i've lost my life...

twilight quotes i love

im done reading the twilight series.. i watched the movie twice, read the twilight book twice and fell in love with edward a lot of times.. if only he lives in the real world.. but then again, i would not want a bloodsucker for a boyfriend.. that would really really be scary!

a woman can only dream.. and i can only want to be somebody else's bella.

Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.

When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.

It was hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real. I was afraid that he might disappear in a sudden puff of smoke, and I would wake up.

His voice was like melting honey. I could imagine how much more overwhelming his eyes would be.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

He grinned his crooked smile at me, stopping my breath and my heart. I couldn’t imagine how an angel could be any more glorius. There was nothing about him that could be improved upon.

I realized slowly that his words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come, but all I could seem to feel was an ache for his pain.

Edward in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn’t get used to it, though I’d been staring at him all afternoon.

So what you’re saying is, I’m your brand of heroin?

Common sense told me I should be terrified. Instead, I was relieved to finally understand. And I was filled with compassion for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving to take my life.

You already know how I feel, of course. I’m here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you.

I knew at any moment it could be too much, and my life could end — so quickly that I might not even notice. And I couldn’t make myself be afraid. I couldn’t think of anything, except that he was touching me.

If I’d ever feared death before in his presence, it was nothing compared to how I felt now.

Are you sure you won’t vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all.

He laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.

I think I forgot to breathe.

I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re really not as scary as you think you are. I don’t find you scary at all, actually.

I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens now.

But it won’t be all right when I’m not with you.

The minutes passed and Edward’s arrival grew closer. It was amazing how every cell in my body seemed to know he was coming, to long for his coming.

This couldn’t be heaven, could it? There was too much pain for that.

Stay, Edward, stay with me…

I heard my favorite sound in the world: Edward’s quiet laugh, weak with relief.

Death shouldn’t be this uncomfortable.

Don’t forget to breathe.

He didn’t say anything; he watched my face warily as the pain that had nothing to do with broken bones, pain that was infinitely worse, threatened to crush me.

I can’t always be Lois Lane. I want to be Superman, too.

You are my life. You’re the only thing it would hurt me to lose.

If you’re waiting for me to be on my deathbed, I’ve got news for you! I was just there!

I may not die now… but I’m going to die sometime. Every minute of the day, I get closer. And I’m going to get old.

You’re talking about forever, you know.

His eyes were melting all my fury. It was impossible to fight with him when he cheated like that.

It’s not the end, it’s the beginning.

Mostly I dream about being with you forever.

I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn’t that enough?


and who would not fall in love with the gorgeous and dazzling edward? and a smooth talker too!

I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.

I’ve never tried to keep a specific person alive before, and it’s much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that’s probably just because it’s you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes.

Your number was up the first time I met you.

Hadn’t you noticed? I’m breaking all the rules now.

It’s twilight. It’s the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don’t you think?

So you’re worried about the trouble it might cause me-if you con’t come home?

Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?

That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That’s really not in you’re best interest.

I’m essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should.

To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me.

Who were you, an insignificant little girl, to chase me from the place I wanted to be?

You’re intoxicated by my very presence.

For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren’t alive yet.

Just because I’m resisting the wine doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the bouquet.

You don’t realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I’m with you.

I may not be a human, but I am a man.

You are utterly indecent — no one should look so tempting, it’s not fair.

Shall I explain how you are tempting me?

What am I going to do with you? Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!

And you’re worried, not because you’re headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won’t approve of you, correct?

Finally, a rational response! I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all.

I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you’ll run away from me, screaming as you go. I won’t stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…

Damn it, Bella! You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.

I love you. It’s a poor excuse for what I’m doing, but it’s still true.

If you let anything happen to yourself— anything at all — I’m holding you personally responsible. Do you understand that?

It’s like you’ve taken half my self away with you.

You can sleep, sweetheart, I’ll carry you.

I don’t seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you’ll get your way… whether it kills you or not.

It’s possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity.

Bella, we’re not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that’s the end of it.

Bella, I won’t let anything hurt you — not even yourself. I won’t let go of you once, I promise.

He called you pretty. That’s practically an insult, the way you look right now. You’re much more than beautiful.

Twilight, again. Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end.

So ready for this to be the end, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You’re ready to give up everything.

I’m not worth it.

I will stay with you — isn’t that enough?

Yes, it is enough. Enough for forever.

adik sa'yo

... awit sa akin
Bilang sawa na saking mga kwentong marathon
Tungkol sayo at sa ligayang iyong hatid
Sa aking buhay tuloy ang bida sa isipan ko'y ikaw

ako ay isang self-confessed addict.. addicted sa gamot, di bawal na gamot. gaya ng mga nakalipas na panahon, eto na naman ako at dinalaw ng aking paboritong karamdaman. walang tigil na ubo :( at ang araw ko ay di nabubuo ng walang tissue, vitamin c, sangkatutak na baso ng warm water, antibiotic, anti allergy at cough syrup. kahit na high ako sa gamot, gising pa din ang diwa ko sa pagsapit ng gabi. malaki na ang eye bugs ko. kung effective lang ang sleeping pill sa kin, baka lumaklak na din ako nun. unfortunately, pag may ubo ako.. di ako tinatablan ng sleeping pill..

sino ang nagsabi na heaven ang dala ng gamot? baket di ganyan ang feeling ko?!