it's just good while it lasts...

well, at least for a while, even just for a short time... i felt bliss and kilig whenever he talks to me. but now, reality sinks in. and im on that road again where i suddenly realized that it does really bites. and bit it did.. and after that momentary bliss, i told a friend that i am moving on hehe as if! he's not a prince after all. at least, i did not have to kiss him to realize that. sayang! haha

anyway, ganyan talaga ang buhay. di bale, wala naman syang alam. good for me. pero syempre, ganun pa din sya. o feeling lang ako? baka nga feeling lang ako. baka he's just trying to be nice. pero minsan kase even the small talks, nabibigyan ko ng meaning. ewan ko ba?! pero starting today, i wont. kahit na may sinabi na naman sya. deadma na lang ako.

sabi ko nga before, i wont talk about it. anyway, last na 'to.. hopefully.

...

i want to write something but im not sure what to write. my mind is empty, hollow. i cant think of anything else except.. oh never mind. this is not doing me any good, so i might as well snap out of it! brace myself or else..

senti mode

im ok, im ok, im ok...

im numb, im cold, im fine... i will be.

dont feel anything. dont think anything. i'll be damned.

so, id rather be ok.. be ok.. be ok.

and i know, i will be.

him...

waah!

i like, i like!

haha am i crazy or what?

ok, just dont mind this blog posting..

my mind is just spinning, i feel intoxicated even though i haven't drink any alcohol for quite a long time now. i could only wish that its as simple as abc or 123.. but the thing is, i am never good at anything.. not even this!

at this age, im so naive when it comes to stuffs like this. i had fafa blue from a distance for a long time. before him, there was tictac, medge, jay.. the list could go on, i had them but the thing is, they never know :P this time around, i dont want him to know either. i dont even want to know what is it that i feel, i just had to ignore him. he should not know nor feel anything or it could put us on an awkward situation.

there is nothing to not like about him. i find him cute in a different way. he's not good looking, not even gorgeous. and he definitely looks like super ex and if i didnt stop myself, i would definitely, eventually, going to like him and i know that i should not!

so, this is the only and last post that i am going to write about him. no name drop, no hint, nothing at all. there, im done!

and i thought its just me...

i've never been the type of employee who ask a lot of questions. even way back, i'd prefer to be on the sideline and listen. well, i may be an outspoken person when it comes to my life but professionally i am not. not because there is nothing to talk about. heck! you just dont know how questions keep flooding my mind but i guess one of the reason is i dont want to ask stupid questions. its always like that.. and then sooner or later, i'll just realize that the answer is just right there in front of me. and yes, im not that confident enough. another thing is, i want to explore it on my own. esp if its a project related question, i can ask my teammates, y not? but i want to try if i can find the answers for my questions on my own. when i've exhausted all resources and suffered a terrible headache from thinking too hard, then i'll probably ask questions. not healthy noh?

a few weeks ago, i've started working on a new project (and lets not forget: new company, new teammates, new environment, new everything!) as usual, i dared not ask questions. whenever they asked me how am i going on, my reply is always "its a challenge for me". which is 100% true. this is totally different from my previous jobS. this was like msgp, we create the test scripts based from the frd. this was like ct, brds are not complete. with my previous jobs, its all about numbers. here, its all about informations. and i actually told a friend, my mind will bleed from thinking and imagining conditions!

this morning, i got to chat with one of my teammates. and we talked about how this is so difficult and how she and my other teammate find it hard to cope up since this is a big project. finally. i realized.. its not just me having problems but them as well. so i told her, if you feel lost where should i be?