by olive - oct 2, 2006

i cannot be a meantime girl.. nor a friend with benefits...

my feelings do not matter anymore. i could still in love with you but i dont wanna deal with it.
it was just a feeling that i was supposed to kill it a year ago.. well, i guess i did not love you enough
coz the pains you caused me didnt kill me. though, basically, i thought you killed my heart when you broke it to a thousand pieces.

the love will always be there. perhaps hidden. but one thing is sure, its no longer intense as before.
i can sleep quietly at night when a year ago, i found sleep to be elusive.
i can smile and laugh now when a year ago, i only had a tear-jerked face to look in the mirror.
i can hang out with my friends now until the wee hours when a year ago, the only companion i had was my precious notebook.

a person close to me once said.. do not let him mess you again.
how can i let you mess up with me.. when the fact is, im still messed up.
im still battling inner conflicts.

and while you're occassionally keeping in touch.. i know as much as i want to deny it, i will just hang in there. non-commital. unrequited. and in the end, i know that this is a battle i wont win how much i tried.