my last letter

by olive - jan 6, 2006

i have been a regular visitor of cafe erato for a month now. i have stopped writing for quite some time. now, im back. i hope that this is the last sad letter that im gonna write. to all my GT sisses, thanks for the help. without you, i think i wud still be lost and weak.

Dear _____________,

I have stopped writing about my pain for I dont know how to describe it anymore. I cant feel it anymore. Maybe, im healed or it could be im numbed. Nevertheless, I believe that I've moved on. Whatever the reasons are, I dont question it. Im just glad that I have you out of my system.

I still think of you but no longer that much. I still think of you but when I do, there are no more regrets and no more what ifs. I still think of you but when I do, I dont feel the pain anymore. Yes, I may think of you but no, I dont love you anymore. Nor, hate you. But I will always care. So, be careful at work will you? You know, I always worry when you're at work.

The few good memories we had we're already forgotten. I cant remember them anymore. Maybe, bec it happened a few good days only or maybe bec there was none. I cant even visualize your face and how you look anymore. Funny, but maybe bec i saw you only in photos and now the digital representations of you have been removed from my recycle bin. All the things that you gave me were long hidden. And what's left are just bruises of the heartaches you gave me and I know that in a few days, these will be forgotten too. Thats why Im writing now while I can for I know that it will never be the same again.

I thought I'd lost my love for you. Somehow, I lost you but not my quest for love. For I can still feel it my heart, not for you but for myself. And I know that im stronger now than ever before.

Now, I can surely say that Im moving on.. I feel sad though... that Im closing this phase of my life. But I feel that its about time. I've given myself time to cry and time to reminisce. Now, my eyes cant shed a tear and my mind cant remember a thing abt you. Even my "hotel pen" is quitting, I think there's no more ink I know the signs and these are signs that God has given me. He's telling me that enough of the holding on. It's abt time to let go.

Goodbye my love, Im letting you go... Im sorry too.. for now, I cannot be a friend to you. I know you understand.