sometimes, i get too tired of myself. i wonder what my friends are feeling whenever i complain or make kwento about what happened for the day. i could be stressing them with my rants. hell! i stress myself!
after super ex, it took me a long time to recover. no, there's no alcohol every night for two years and no, i didnt do stupid things (not a lot though). there were nights i cried buckets and there were days i feel like dying. yes, it was hard but i got over it.. nearly. if there's one thing i learned from that experience, i never knew that i have that much strength to go on as if nothing happens. i go out, i laugh but everything is shallow. behind that smile is a woman crying. behind that carefree lifestyle is a woman too afraid to commit. and just when i realized that i am capable of loving or falling in love again, reality hits me. he can never be mine simply because he belongs to someone else.
i can only dream that somehow he is thinking of me and feeling the same way, too. but im not that cruel and selfish. i would not want him wanting me, even if he did.. i would not want that to happen. i once compromised my values for love, i wont let myself go through that again.
para kong sirang plakang paulit ulit na kino-kondisyon ang sarili na ok lang ako. na hindi ako mai-inlab sa kanya. the thought of it haunts me and it hurts when i saw him together with her, alone for the first time. i know its inevitable, sooner or later, i will have to face it. its a demon i created and its here haunting me. and i feel too helpless to face it. slowly, i know i am about to succumb to its madness. no matter how much i tried to resist its charm, my heart will fend off what my mind is saying and then i'll be doomed!
take me away from here.. but who would do that? he could but then again, a call from the other half would make him run away from me.
take me away from here.. im tired doing this cycle. im tired. i am.
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